Ok whew! I feel better. (Tantrum over)
Let's back up a few steps and tell you how I got to this spot in time. Twelve or so years ago I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. (If you are reading about SCD then more than likely you already know what Crohn's disease or Ulcerative Colitis is so no need to click the link.)
Before being diagnosed I was on a health rollercoaster. I would be sick with pain and diarrhea (yes TMI but gut diseases are normally full of TMI so press on) for a day, then I wouldn't eat to prevent being sick, then I would be starving with no energy so I would eat, only to be sick with pain and diarrhea again. It was a cycle that went on for a year and a half. Doctors for that my gallbladder was full of stones and assumed that was my problem. So I had my gallbladder removed. Felt better for about 6 weeks. Then I went right back to being sick. Then the medicines game started. One and 2 pills 3 times a day turned into more and more. At one point I was taking 16-18 pills a day. INSANITY. That went on for a year or so and then I got a stomach bug. That stomach bug + Crohn's landed me in the hospital for a week.
Fast forward a little while. Out of the hospital and on a buttload of pills, I finally reach "healthy". Now, in all honesty, it WAS the "healthiest" I had been in a long time. But I now know that health is about perspective. "Healthy" while being dosed with prednisone and other crazy drugs is not what I would consider healthy but that is another blog for another day. So let's just say I was symptom-free (on pills) and my doctor referred me to a surgeon. That surgeon suggested that we remove the diseased portion of my colon. Because I don't have severe Crohn's that has multiple places of inflammation and scarring, removing a ten-inch section would be removing the only portion affected. So I agreed.
Fast forward some more. After my colon resection, I went into full remission. MY body was behaving "normal". Especially in comparing it to the past 3 years of sick, dosed, hospitalized, surgery laden, person I had been. The only medicine I was on was a sulfa drug meant to help keep me in remission. I continued to see my doctor for regular check-ups and eventually asked to stop that drug (because I thought it was useless). Years have passed. In fact, it has been ten years since my colon resection.
If you will notice in my story I never mention diet. I never mentioned food at all. That is because it was NEVER mentioned to me. Since my first diagnosis, I have lived in 3 states and had 4 doctors and 2 surgeons. Not ONE of them has ever mentioned food.
I HAVE A FREAKING GUT DISEASE!!!!!!!!
Years after my resection and reaching remission, I started doing some reading. One day I was sitting in my living room and I proclaimed to my husband, "I know Crohn's is incurable. I know that one day it will come back and I will have to deal with it again. But medicine will NOT be my first choice. I will eat rocks and dirt before I live that life again." I wasn't having any signs or symptoms of Crohn's. But I also was eating anything I wanted. I had simply determined that if symptoms arose again, I would be willing to be very drastic about my food choices and lifestyle changes in order to avoid the pill game. I had only done a small amount of reading, but somewhere in the stuff I had gotten my hands on I was impacted that there must be another way.
Moving on....
About 3 years ago I started to notice that my hands hurt. I would find myself rubbing them or putting a heating pad on them. Then I noticed sometimes that "ache" was in my wrists or elbows. So I started reading. Everything I was coming across was saying word like "Rheumatoid arthritis", "autoimmune"and "inflammation". That reading lead me to read more and more about autoimmune diseases. I began to see the connection between my symptoms and Crohn's disease. INFLAMMATION. I was scared. Could I be having signs of RA? I began to panic. I began to remember all of those pills, and blood draws, and side effects. I cried and cried. I did NOT want to go there again. "Why can't I just be normal?"
I regained my ..... whatever......I guess we will call it "resolve" and started reading more. This time I started reading about ways I could help myself. Everything I was coming across was diet related. Everything I was reading spoke of treating root issues of inflammation instead of the inflammation itself. I was confused. Why weren't my doctors saying this stuff? Why weren't my doctors talking about what was causing my sickness? I began to see things through new lenses. I decided then that I was going to cut the foods that were best known for causing inflammation. Sugar and Grains. So I did.
I am not a "moderation" person. I knew the only way for me to be successful at this was to completely cut it out. Cold Turkey. So I did. This sugar addict cut sugar the week of Halloween. It was NOT easy. Over the next 2 years, I learned to live in this way of eating. I would give in here and there based on special occasions or foods that I had learned wouldn't make me sick. For example, I discovered that corn was a no-no, but corn tortillas were fine. Rice was a no-no, but rice noodles didn't bother me. And cake...at a wedding...with thick gewy icing....well it made me sick.....but it was SO worth it. I learned to live within the parameters of my diet, my body's reaction and the world in which I lived.
For the last 6 months, my eating according to my diet has relaxed to about 75% of the time. And...... I have now found myself to be sick. Inflammation has caused 2 abscess spots that have had to be surgically dealt with and my surgeon was mentioning that he felt like I needed to go on a Biologic drug (Those are the Big Daddy drugs like Remicade, Humira, Cimzia). I am angry with myself. I am angry with my body. I am angry at the doctors. I am angry with our food culture. I desperately wish life was different and for that, I find myself really sad. But nevertheless, here I am. I had 1 of 2 surgeries in November and then the 2nd surgery planned for February.
In December, I began coming across this thing called the SCD diet. I had never heard of it before. I was intrigued that it was specific to gut diseases. And it offered a little hope that I could be very strict for a couple of years and then potentially move to a less strict version after my stomach/guts were healed. I ordered Breaking the Vicious Cycle and felt hopeful.
I goaled that after some scheduled international travel and the holidays I would adopt the SCD lifestyle. (There was no sense in losing my mind overseas or around at Christmas dinner) My plan was to start the diet after the holidays and giving myself as much time to heal before the planned Feb. surgery. That would give me 4 solid weeks on the diet before the surgery. Hoping that when they went to do that surgery they would find no signs of inflammation and I would be taking huge steps towards healing and a life without medicines.
So, here we are. It is mid-Feb. 2019. I have been on the SCD for 6 weeks. I am past my surgeries and I am prayerfully healing both on the inside and out. When the surgeon performed the 2nd surgery he noted that he did not see any signs of inflammation. That is SO exciting. I am two weeks into my healing from my surgery and I can tell you that my stomach feels better than it has in a long time. That too makes me excited.
But here is the reality check....
What doesn't make me excited is food. I find myself hating food right now. Mainly because it is exhausting. Everything I eat, I make from scratch. We live in a microwave, convenience food, quick living world and nothing about eating clean feels quick and easy. Reading labels and making everything from scratch takes time, energy, and thought.
I was so excited the other day when I bought horseradish hummus at Trader Joes. I thought, "this is great, it's quick, it's easy, it's store-bought, it's clean." I dove into my hummus with plantain chips (insert eye roll) and was so surprised at how much I liked it all. Then I started thinking about it and remembered that hummus = chickpeas. "Did I read something about chickpeas in that book?" I thought. So I grabbed my phone and typed in CHICKPEAS SCD in the google search. (This is my quick way to find legal and illegal foods. There are tons of sites that list legal and illegal foods for you. But I just google it.) .....CHICKPEAS ILLEGAL..... Sigh. Huff. Puff. Sigh. Here I am eating this strange food, that almost tastes really yummy, that I am actually excited to eat, only to find out that I can't. I go on to read that you can make your own hummus from white beans. White beans are simple carbs and chickpeas are not. I wanted to jump up and down and throw a tantrum.
"I don't want to make my own. I want to go into Trader Joes and walk to the shelf and buy it! I don't want to make EVERY.FREAKING.THING."
It is hard enough to change your food routines. But changing your taste buds is even harder. My body really likes Oreos, cheese dip, cupcakes, and soda. Why.....BECAUSE THEY TASTE GOOD! Teaching my body to find new foods that taste good is a huge challenge. That is why I got excited about the hummus and plantain chips. Not because they taste like queso and scoops, but because they were in the lane of almost being yummy. I knew I could train my taste buds for it to replace the junk my body thinks tastes good. If I looked at a "normal" eater and said, "I'm so excited about cashew cream sauce, fermented yogurt and plantain chips." They would think I'm on crack.
That's where I am right now. Trying to figure out how to truly live with this diet. I KNOW it is helping me. There is no doubt in my mind about that. But I want to live in a way that I am not constantly thinking about food. Everything I do revolves about food right now. Making it, buying the stuff to make it, taking it, containers to take it in, ingredient lists, etc. and don't even get me started on trying to do date nights or going out with our family.
I decided that this journey will be what I write about. Not because the world needs one more blog. But because I have to have a place to process. I have to have a place to throw a tantrum or be super excited. My family is precious. They patiently walk with me down my Crohn's road and sit at my table of strange foods. But they do not always want to hear about plantain chips and food mood swings. The beauty of writing it down here is people can read it....or not. My prayer is that someone will feel "not alone". Someone will read this and say "YES!" I so agree, why can't they make all yogurt 24-hour yogurt, with honey and no sugar? I don't intend to give a lot of back story for Crohns or SCD. I will try to link to those. There is so much information out there, that I don't need to be another research site. If you want to learn more about things click on the links. If you are walking this road too or walking it with someone, say HI. I would love to hear how your journey is going.
LL
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